When at first you don't succeed

"The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom."   ~ George S. Patton Jr.


   What do you do When at first you don't succeed? Do you decide to try something else? Maybe your response is to just sit down and carefully look for who to blame for the failures. Do you blame others for your failure? Rather still, you might be careful enough not to blame others but instead choose to go about sulking over your failed attempt at doing something good. Or maybe you don't sulk over unsuccessful attempts to succeed but instead decide not to try any further and choose to sit back, to give up, and quit trying.
   We all respond to failure in various ways and in the process of working on our dreams, we are going to encounter a lot of difficulties, disappointments, pain and  setbacks at some particular point in our lives. Some of you, like me, might have experienced this more than once in your life. Some of you might have been nurturing the thought of tagging yourselves a 'failure' because of the tangible number of times you've failed at one thing or the other. Well, its high time you had a change of perspective.
   I'm glad to tell you that what you perceive as failure today may actually be a crucial step towards the success you seek. So never give up because there is no failure except in no longer trying. 'One of the things I've realized about success is that the ones who make it are the ones who keep trying until they do.' Mario Andretti once said that "desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek." As we seek to change our perception of failure and success, let me enlighten you on something I find quite fascinating which I believe will help us to see disappointments, setbacks or failure in a new light. I'll like to start with a short story, a popular one at that; and just in case you are familiar with this story, I would implore you to open your mind and read it like it were your first time so that you can hopefully learn something new.



"It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success." ~Ellen DeGeneres.


  This was the story of a great man who was faced by a similar challenge (failure) in the pursuit of his dream. Thomas Alva Edison was an American inventor and businessman. He invented many devices like the phonograph, the motion picture camera and developed the electric light bulb that affects our lives greatly; but Thomas Edison's life wasn't all about success. While growing up, Thomas Edison's teachers concluded that he was ''too stupid to learn anything''. Asides that, he was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive" but as an inventor, Edison showed a great deal of perseverance when he recorded 1000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb i.e he failed 1000 times and kept on trying until he finally  achieved his goal.
   This tells me that success in life is not determined by the number of times one fails. Rather, it is determined by your reaction every time you fail. Your attitude and the actions you take when at first you don't succeed is what determines if you are going to remain at that point where you failed or succeed eventually. No wonder Denis Waitley said that "Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. FAILURE IS DELAY, NOT DEFEAT. IT IS A TEMPORARY DETOUR, NOT A DEAD END. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." When at first you don't succeed, analyze the cause of failure, learn from the experience, then try again. When a reporter asked him, "How did it feel to fail 1000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1000 times. I have successfully discovered 1000 ways to NOT make a light bulb. What a reply that was!. You've got to develop a positive mindset that sees every setbacks as a chance to learn something new and an opportunity to begin again, more intelligently.
   Some say “When at first you don’t succeed, just sit down and eat cake . . . then try again.” It might sound funny but it's true and I totally agree with that as long as you don't forget while eating cake to get back up and try again. It really doesn't matter how many times you've tried without success, you just have to get back up and try again and again believing in yourself even if you are the only one that believes in you. You also have to believe that "it's not over until you win". Even the famous Henry Ford failed and went broke two times before he successfully created the Ford Motor Company. That moment when at first you don't succeed is not the time to lose hope in that dream, instead you have to believe much more that it can be done. Like David J. Schwartz said in his book 'The Magic of Thinking Big' that "Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution."



"Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune;
but great minds rise above them"
~ Washington Irving



   We can't always be winners the first time around and we sometimes get frustrated; you may even entertain giving up because of the idea of failing. The good news is you can always go back and try again, better this time because in the process of doing that, you'll discover some things about yourself than you don't know right now. "The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure". ~Stephen Richards. As the saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." You have to be tough in the pursuit of your dream, you have to stay hungry for that course, don't get discouraged to try over and over again until you get it right and can celebrate your success.


"I don't believe I have special talents, I have persistence … After the first failure, second failure, third failure, I kept trying."
~ Carlo Rubbia, Prize winning Physicist



   Now, how about you think through these: The popular Harry Potter story book was rejected by twelve publishers before it was finally published a year after but more than 400 million copies of the book have been sold today. Walt Disney was turned down 302 times before he got financing for creating Disney World. Micheal Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team but he turned out to be the greatest basketball player. Bill Gates failed at his first business with Paul Gilbert, and Paul Allen but wasn't discouraged from trying again; he went ahead to cofound Microsoft with Paul Allen which turned out to be a major success. Colonel Sanders (the founder of KFC) had his fried chicken recipe rejected 1009 times before it was finally accepted by a restaurant. Steven Spielberg was
denied two times to the prestigious University of Southern California film school but he went on to direct some of the biggest movie blockbusters in history and in 1994 got an honorary degree from the film school that rejected him twice. And of course Thomas Alva Edison ended up as the greatest innovator of all time with 1,093 US patents to his name, along with several others in the UK, and Canada.


"There is something to be said for keeping at a thing, isn't there?"
~ Frank Sinatra

IS INFLUENCE REALLY POWERFUL?

HOW TO INFLUENCE

   In the first part of this article, we  shared with ourselves  about the power of influence. We also learned about the benefits of influencing or becoming a person of influence and some areas where influence works. But the question remains  "how do we influence or become a person of influence?". So in this concluding part, we are going to be sharing the basic influencing techniques and how they work.

   Firstly, I want us to bear in mind that becoming a person of influence or the act of influencing others effectively is not a day's work. It can only be perfected  by continuous practice or application of the influencing techniques. It is also important for us to know that there is no 'one fits all' influencing technique because of the difference in people's personality and of course the situation whereby we might find ourselves.

   Also, one can influence others or be influenced by the same either positively or negatively, consciously or unconsciously depending on the influencing technique used. The act of influencing is not only practiced by leaders on their subordinates but followers as well can have a great deal of influence on the decisions of their leaders without going against ethical and moral principles.

   There are several influencing techniques varying in the level of their effectiveness and the frequency in which they are applied among individuals, organizations and cultures of the world while the basic ones are mainly of four different approaches which include:



THE RATIONAL APPROACH

LOGICAL PERSUADING  - This is done by using logic to explain what you believe or what you want. This is the most frequently used and effective influence technique in the world but it does not work with everyone and will not work at all in some circumstances.

LEGITIMIZING  - The act of appealing to authority. This works with some people most of the time and most people some of the time.

EXCHANGING  - Negotiating or trading for cooperation.

STATING  - Asserting what you believe or want.



THE SOCIAL APPROACH

SOCIALIZING  - Getting to know the other person and finding common ground. This is the act of complimenting people and making them feel good about themselves.

APPEALING TO RELATIONSHIP  - Gaining cooperation with people you already know well. The effectiveness of this approach is based on the length and strength of your existing relationships.

CONSULTING  - Engaging people by asking questions; involving them in the problem or solution. This works well with smart, self-confident people who have a strong need to contribute ideas.

ALLIANCE BUILDING  - Finding supporters to help influence someone else.



THE EMOTIONAL APPROACH

APPEALING TO VALUES  - Making an emotional appeal to the heart. This is one of the principal ways to influence many people at once and the best technique for gaining commitment.

MODELING  - Behaving in ways you want others to behave; Parents, leaders, managers and public figures influence others through modeling all the time positively or negatively whether consciously or not.



THE NEGATIVE INFLUENCE TACTICS

MANIPULATING
INTIMIDATING
AVOIDING
THREATENING.



Let him that will move the world first move himself. Socrates



   America's leadership expert John C. Maxwell once said that "You can't light  another's path without casting light on your own." Thus emphasizing the fact that one must first influence himself and also equip himself with the right qualities of a good influencer such as a sound mind, confidence and a strong desire to influence and achieve great results before he can be able to influence others positively and effectively. This is because people normally follow leaders stronger than themselves.

   Once you have found your own voice, the choice to expand your influence, to increase your contribution is the choice to inspire others to find their voice. We live in a world which is full of misery and ignorance, and the plain duty of each and all of us is to try to make the little corner he can influence somewhat less miserable and somewhat less ignorant than it was before he entered it. Note that while you can't do much about the past, you can influence the future enormously.