Interestingly, we live in a world that is full of numerous articles, books and teachings on public speaking, effective speaking techniques, how to give a good speech, stories about great speakers etc. But there are shockingly no books, articles, seminars or stories of such on 'the listener'. And this eventually creates for us a world where everybody is a speaker with nobody to listen to the words spoken or messages that are being passed across.
There are tons of messages being preached today. Some are very useful while some aren't, but the usefulness or effect of these messages are limited to the fact that nobody is listening because every other person out there is also trying to get a message across to another person who is only thinking about how he or she can also share his or her own message and as a result, communication becomes very difficult.
As regards this, I ask today that what is the use of talking when no one is listening Or of speaking to an inattentive congregation? Well, they say that the world is advancing and lives are improving, but I believe Just as the Turkish proverb puts it that 'If speaking is silver, then listening is gold' that the world will advance at a faster and more effective rate and lives or standard of living will improve better if we have just one more person that will become a listener and listen to what is being said.
Mark Twain once said that 'If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.'
Obviously, Nature gave us two ears but only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that we should listen more than we talk. And Bernard M. Baruch backed that up when he said 'Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.'
Have you ever imagined what it will be like if we are speaking consciously to people who are listening consciously? Well, I imagine the world becoming a better and more conducive place for us all to live in. No wonder E. H. Mayo concluded that 'one friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider a problem, can change our whole outlook on the world.'
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Leo Buscaglia
Perhaps, we might ask what is listening and why is it so important? Or we might simply ask; who is a listener?
Well, Listening is defined as the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process or simply the act of hearing attentively. Although, listening is not the same as hearing and in order to listen effectively you need to use more than just your ears. Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear or the ability to hear or the range within which a voice can be heard, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus. Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages.
Listening is key to all effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively, messages will be easily misunderstood and communication will break down easily. Effective listening requires concentration and the use of your other senses - not just hearing the words spoken. Effective listening brings about an increased sharing of information that in turn can lead to more creative and innovative work. Good listening skills can prevent misunderstandings, help create a positive impression and maintain a good reputation and your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.
Meanwhile, a listener is someone with the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process and who does this attentively. A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid or only partially said. And part of being a good listener is having the ability to stop thinking about yourself during a conversation.
A listener is someone who helps the speaker to feel free to speak and he does not judge the speaker. He removes all distractions and focus on what is being said while trying to understand the other person’s point of view. A listener is patient and impartial, he is aware of the speaker's tone, he listens for ideas and takes note of the non-verbal communication which includes the speaker's gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements. Good listeners are like precious gems and are to be treasured because it takes a great man to be a good listener.
"Deep listening is miraculous for both
listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand." Sue Patton Thoele
A listener is a person of wisdom because there is as much wisdom in listening as there is in speaking. A listener is also a good companion and friend and he is that rare person who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer. A leader must be a good listener. He must be willing to take counsel, he must show a genuine concern and love for those under his stewardship. A good listener is a great boss, colleague and business partner, teacher, student, husband and father, wife and mother, child, and family member. 'A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.'
I imagine a world in which we all become good listeners, a world where children listen to their fathers and fathers take time to listen to their children also, where couples listen attentively to one another, where siblings and family members listen to one another. A world where employees listen to their employers and employers also take time to listen to the voice of their employees. A world where business partners listen attentively to one another and children listen to the counsel of their elders, a world where we all listen to the words of our spiritual leaders (e.g. pastor) and also where we all listen to the voice of our creator (God).
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. James 1:19
Effective listening is a skill that underpins all positive human relationships, spend some time thinking about and developing your listening skills – become a good listener- they are the building blocks of success.
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